"Monsterbation"
Lyrics by Goreshack

[Thor] I'm alone in the dark
With a horror movie on a Friday night
It's nearing the shower scene
And my shorts don't feel right
Is it a tiny monster? Or an alien with a chain?
A flesh eating worm? No, it's just my stiff wang

I'm up all night with Rhonda
That slut that's on the tube
The slasher flicks she shows
Are the only way I get to scope boobs
It's 3 AM and I'm laying, jerking in my bed
Hanging with my buddies Freddy, Jason, and Pinhead

This frantic masturbation isn't easy to explain
Most normal people would find it either morbid or lame
But the chicks I dig, the ones that do it for me
[Thor and Darren]Are the ones with their tits out just before they get cleaved

[Thor and Darren] This is my addiction but it's not really that bad
I just beat off to movies where naked chicks get sawed in half
It's late on the weekend, I can't avoid the temptation
It's time for another round of what I call Monsterbation

The constant screaming gore makes the girl who's visiting sick
The Blob's not what we're watching, but what's coming out of my dick

[Thor and Darren] This is my addiction but it's not really that bad
I just beat off to movies where naked chicks get sawed in half
It's late on the weekend, I can't avoid the temptation
It's time for another round of what I call Monsterbation

[Dialog]
[Darren]: Hey man, what's going on?
[Justin]: Uh, uh, not much man!
[Darren]: Man what the fuck, are you beating off to the channel 9 movie again?
[Justin]: Yeah, so what!
[Darren]: Man you better stop that shit or something fucked up's gonna happen!
[Justin]: Bullshit! Now stop trying to call me when you know I'm jerkin off, buttmunch!

[Thor] Then something awkward happened my last time whacking off
[Darren] My skin it cracked and split and well, it started falling off
[Thor] I started moaning like a 'tard, what was happening to me?!
[Thor and Darren] I guess all that Monsterbation turned me into a zombie

Fuck yeah Monsterbation!